This one is too funny not to pass along. -- Andy Oppel, N6AJO

Return-path: <W5ihv@aol.com> From: W5ihv@aol.com Full-name: W5ihv Message-ID: <78.4f0085fe.2d427dc4@aol.com> Date: Fri, 23 Jan 2004 08:38:12 EST Subject: ARRL To: w4lix@juno.com MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="part2_1d1.1847699a.2d427dc4_boundary" X-Mailer: 8.0 for Windows sub 6800

When I see the mess that the ARRL is trying to create with its new "user friendly" ham ticket licensing, it just makes my Real American Blood boil! Those creeps are going to give access to our Sacred Bands to just anybody whose check clears the bank, regardless of whether they know.......or even care.....anything about Amateur Radio. We'll end up with a bunch of gum flappin', quiche-eatin' foreigners clogging the bands and we won't have any place left for us to hang out and discuss the Good Ole Days on 75 meter AM phone.

Why, when I think back to what I had to do to pass my Novice exam in the early '60s, it just shows how far we've sunk as a nation. I HAD TO WORK MY BUTT OFF in order to win my ticket, but I'm much better because of it than these new pukes with their Pep Boys licenses. Just look at the hurdles I needed to clear, and you'll see what I mean. For my Novice exam I had to:

1. Copy by ear 75 wpm Baudot (RTTY) news press code for five minutes, with zero errors.

2. Fabricate an LM-555 IC starting from beach sand, using only hand tools

3. For the theory part, derive Maxwell's Equations starting from Newton's Laws of Motion, stating any assumptions and approximations and proving all intermediate theorems.

4. Design and construct a 100 kW, Class C, high level plated-modulated, 80 meter AM transmitter using only military surplus metal-envelope 6L6s, and then run a successful Voice of America-approved "proof of performance" checkout of the new station.

5. Build a six element 20 meter Yagi out of tinsel, and feed it with Zip cord transmission line, all the while keeping the SWR under 1.000003:1. Also build the SWR bridge and calibrate it against the National Bureau of Standards!

6. Design and build a 432 Mc/sec crystal-controlled frequency converter, with a measured noise figure of 0.05 dB, a third-order intercept point of +79 dBm, and a frequency stability of 0.00000094%, using only factory production line test-reject CK722 transistors.

7. Collect and present 40 QSL cards exclusively from developing Third World countries for two-way cw contacts made entirely by spark gap transmitters

8. Demonstrate a successful two-way earth-sun-earth "sun-bounce" contact on the 10 Gc/sec band.

9. Invent the fiber-optic digital transmission system.

Well, the General Class exam I took later was much tougher, but I think I kinda made my point anyway. We just gotta keep these lids from gettin' on our bands! Down with the ARRL and their brainless dupes. May Real (hairy chested) Ham Radio RULE FOREVER!

-----Original

Andy Oppel andy@andyoppel.com