Transcript of The Editors' regular Saturday-night poker game with Dick
  Cheney, 6/19/04. Start tape at 12:32 AM.

  The Editors: We'll take three cards.

  Dick Cheney: Give me one.

  Sounds of cards being placed down, dealt, retrieved, and rearranged in
  hand. Non-committal noises, puffing of cigars.

  TE: Fifty bucks.

  DC: I'm in. Show 'em.

  TE: Two pair, sevens and fives.

  DC: Not good enough.

  TE: What do you have?

  DC: Better than that, that's for sure. Pay up.

  TE: Can you show us your cards?

  DC: Sure. One of them's a six.

  TE: You need to show all your cards. That's the way the game is played.

  Colin Powell: Ladies and gentlemen.  We have accumulated overwhelming
  evidence that Mr. Cheney's poker hand is far, far better than two pair.
  Note this satellite photo, taken three minutes ago when The Editors went
  to get more chips. In it we clearly see the back sides of five playing
  cards, arranged in a poker hand. Defector reports have assured us that
  Mr. Cheney's hand was already well advanced at this stage. Later, Mr.
  Cheney drew only one card. Why only one card? Would a man without a
  strong hand choose only one card? We are absolutely convinced that Mr.
  Cheney has at least a full house.

  Tim Russert: Wow. Colin Powell really hit a home run for the
  Administration right there. A very powerful performance. My dad played a
  lot of poker in World War 2, and he taught me many things about life.
  Read my book.

  TE: He's extremely good at Power Point. But we would like to see the
  cards, or else we can't really be sure he has anything to beat two pair.
  We don't think he would lie to us, but ... well, it is a very rich pot.

  Jonah Goldberg: Liberal critics of Mr. Cheney's poker hand contend that
  "he doesn't have anything". Oh, really, liberal critics? Cheney has
  already showed them the six of clubs, and yet these liberals persist in
  saying he has "nothing". Why do liberals consider the six of clubs to be
  "nothing"? Is it because the six of clubs is black?

  Matt Drudge: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
  *****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
  The Drudge Report has learned that Dick Cheney has a royal flush, hearts.
  Developing ...

  TE: Perhaps if you could just show us a subset of your cards which beat 2
  pair? Or tell us exactly what your hand is?

  DC: We will show you our cards after we have collected the pot. It  is
  important that things be done in this order, otherwise the foundation of
  our entire poker game will be destroyed.

  TE: We aren't sure ...

  DC: Very good. And here are my cards. A straight flush.

  Judith Miller: Dick Cheney has revealed a straight flush, confirming his
  pre-collection claims about beating two pair.

  TE: Those cards are of different suits. It's not a flush.

  Mark Steyn: When will it end? Now liberal critics complain that Dick
  Cheney's cards are not all the same suit. Naturally, these are the same
  liberals who are always whining about a lack of diversity in higher
  education. It seems like segregation is OK with these liberals, as long
  as it damages Republicans.

  MD: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
  *****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
  A witness has come forward claiming that The Editors engage in  racial
  profiling in blog-linking. Developing ...

  TE: Wait! It's not even a straight! You've got a eight and ten of hearts,
  a six of clubs, and the seven and five of diamonds. You have a ten high.
  That's nothing.

  Sean Hannity: Well, well, well. In another sign of liberal desperation,
  liberals now complain that a ten high is "nothing". Does ten equal zero
  in liberal mathematics? That would explain a lot.

  Robert Novak: It's a perfectly valid poker hand. Apparently, liberals
  have never heard of a "skip straight". It's a kind of straight, just with
  one card missing. But if you skip around the missing nine, it's a
  straight.

  Alan Colmes: Mother says I mustn't play poker.

  TE: There is no such thing as a "skip straight".

  Brit Hume: It seems like some people are still playing poker like it's
  September 10th. Back then, you  needed to have all your cards in order to
  claim a straight. But, as we learned on that day, sometimes you won't
  have perfect knowledge. Sometimes you have to learn to connect the dots,
  and see the patterns which are not visible to superficial analysis of the
  type favored by the CIA and the State Department. Dick Cheney's skip
  straight is a winning poker hand for the post-9/11 world.

  Rush Limbaugh: Do The Editors have two pairs, or a pair of twos? First
  they say one thing, then another. What are they hiding?

  Andrew Sullivan: Dick Cheney never said he had a straight. He was very
  careful about this. His cards can form many different hands. None of
  these hands alone can beat a pair of twos; but, taken together, the
  combination of all possible hands presents a more compelling case for
  taking the pot than simply screaming "Pair of twos! Pair of twos!"  as
  unprincipled liberal critics of the Vice President so often do.

  MD: ****DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE****
  *****MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT*****
  Did The Editors claim to have "a pair of Jews"? Are they anti-Semites as
  well as racists? Developing ...

  Zell Miller: As a lifelong liberal Democrat, I believe Dick Cheney, and I
  hate liberals and Democrats.

  William Safire: Why are liberals so obsessed by Dick Cheney's poker hand?
  The pot has been taken, the deal is done. If liberals are upset that we
  are no longer playing by the Marquis of Queensbury patty-cake poker
  rules, they clearly lack the stomach to play poker in the post-September
  11th environment. And why do they never complain about Saddam Hussein's
  poker playing, which was a thousand times worse?

  Christopher Hitchens: The Left won't be happy until the pot is divided  up
  equally between Yassar Arafat, Osama bin Laden, and Hitler. Orwell would
  have seen this.

  Ann Coulter: Why do liberals object so strenuously to the idea of
  conservatives having a "straight"? Perhaps because it doesn't fit in with
  the radical homosexual/Islamist agenda they hold so dear?

  Report of the Bipartisan Commission on Poker Hands: There is no such
  thing as a "skip straight".

  DC: I have access to poker rules that the Commission doesn't, and so I
  know for a fact that the cards in my hand are all intimately connected.

  George W. Bush: Dick Cheney is telling the truth. I'm a nice man who
  would drink a beer with you.

  Vladimir Putin: I dealt Dick Cheney three aces and two kings.

  DC: My deal.